I’ve been thinking a lot about life and death lately. These are the kinds of conversations I usually have with my husband, but since he is not here, I’m just putting it out into the world.
In my daily readings I came across an article with an attached video (I’ve embedded below) that made me pause for thought. This idea is not new to me, but today, for some reason, I rolled it around my brain a little longer than I normally do.
Some days, when I think I can not possibly continue on, I choose to anyway. Some days it’s harder than others, tonight is one of them. I do not believe we have a fated destiny or some greater purpose in life. That’s a hard pill to swallow for someone like me who was taught to believe we do. When you look at life through religion, it’s easy to feel significant, you’re a miracle created by a higher being for a specific purpose. When you look at life as a scientist, well… everything is a miracle too, there’s just no end game. We get to derive our meaning, and create our own purpose, and that makes it a much richer experience than playing out pre-written scripts for the amusement of an omniscient almighty.
The thing is, I’m what some consider mid life, or close to it, and I’m starting from scratch. It scares the shit out of me. I have so much potential and not enough time left to try everything I want to. What do I want to be when I grow up is the least of my worries right now, but there is so much pressure to figure that out first. Why? I don’t want to rush this launch of Human Experience 2.0.